#TeaserTues – Vested in Her – 3

#TeaserTues Vested In Her Excerpt from Chapter One.

Previous Excerpts from Chapter One that I shared.

Vested In Her 9-20-16
Vested in Her 7-5-16

Chapter One

Haven Johnson bounced across the cracked linoleum floor to answer the call of the beeping oven, her tight tank top and short shorts doing little to cover her as she bounded around. Bending, she retrieved the surprise she baked for her childhood friends who were all crowded around a small, wobbly-legged table in her parents’ kitchen.

A man whistled behind her, but she ignored him. Gas was one guy she had no desire to be friends with, but him and Chrome were a package deal.

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#TeaserTues – Vested in Her – Take 2

 #TeaserTues Vested In Her Except for your reading enjoyment.

I have reworked this story since I originally wrote it during Camp Nano July. Let’s say I remember doing three edits on it since then. That’s a lot in two months. It’s off at my editor now she’s scheduled to look at it next month. Wish me luck!

Edits

1. A read through to write up my index cards on characters and settings. Worked on tense, added missing words, looked for the wrong word being used, looked for plot holes, and worked on flow.
2. Added more character and setting depth. Worked on tense.
3. A read through to write up my index cards on story. Worked on anything that popped up.

Vested in Her 7-5-16

Chapter One

Haven bounced across the cracked linoleum floor to answer the call of the beeping oven. She retrieved the surprise she had baked for her friends who were all crowded around a small wobbly legged table in her parent’s kitchen.

“Haven, that smells like heaven. You’re going to make some guy a great old lady one day.” Chrome said.

His older brother Gas smiled, his nut-brown eyes flickered menacingly and he laughed. “We all know that won’t be you, Chrome.”

The other guys around the table burst into laughter.

Chrome lowered his bright red mop that he had in common with his brother, the only thing he had in common with his brother, and stuttered to himself. The sea green eyed, Chrome was the more sensitive of the two. He gave riding lessons to townies down at the bike shop. He was the only one willing to. Gas was a mechanic there and ruthlessly prodded him about helping them.

#TeaserTues – Her Unexpected Life, Excerpt Take 6

This major tense rewrite is complete.

I was almost ready to publish this for pre-order and then I decided to rewrite it. I had went out on a limb and wrote it in present tense. After much thought and advice  I decided to change it.

This version needs to run through my editor. So typos may be present.

Past versions

Her Unexpected Life 8-16-16

Her Unexpected Life 6-14-16

Her Unexpected Life 5-3-16

Her Unexpected Life 3-25-16

Her Unexpected Life – 12-15-15

Chapter One-End of January

 

Valerie Cooper’s cell phone jingled to life in the middle of the pop aisle at her local Hugemart. Swiping her finger across the screen, she read the text from her husband. I’m moving out.

Ha! Auto-correct, the technological version of that telephone game the kids play. Valerie’s thumbs wrestled with the touch screen of her phone to send her reply. I think auto-correct got you. Lol! She tossed her phone back in her purse and moved on to the next aisle where she was greeted by the scent of roses. Umm. I love the scent of roses.

Moments later, a few cheerful jingles announced his response. No. It didn’t. I’m moving out of the house, and in with Wendy.

The corners of Valerie’s eyes crinkled and she pursed her lips as she waited for the punch line in this bizarre joke of her husband’s. Curtis, as far as jokes go, this one sucks, babe. She didn’t throw her phone back in her purse this time. Instead, she stood fixed in the aisle, almost rooted to the spot while waiting on his retort. The humor of his joke must have been over her head.

#TeaserTues – Her Unexpected Life Excerpt Take 5

Round Five? Edits are complete

I’m so close to publishing this.

I decided to not dwell on the name I’m publishing under and to focus on just getting it ready. I sent it back to my editor and got it in .mobi form to send to my betas readers. It looks so good on my kindle app.

I wanted to share the most up to date version of this with you on Tuesday but it’s my youngest’s week to drag mom around town without her sister. So, I was being held hostage at a fast food play place with no laptop because mommy is always working on that thing. I’m sharing now and will back date it for Tuesday. I love the back dating option.

Her Unexpected Life 6-14-16

Her Unexpected Life 5-3-16

Her Unexpected Life 3-25-16

Her Unexpected Life – 12-15-15

Chapter One-End of January

Valerie Cooper’s cell phone jingles to life in the middle of the pop aisle at her local Hugemart. Swiping her finger across the screen, she reads the text from her husband. I’m moving out.

Ha! Auto-correct, the technological version of that telephone game the kids play. Valerie’s thumbs wrestle with the touch screen of her phone to send her reply. I think auto-correct got you. Lol! She tosses her phone back in her purse and moves on to the next aisle where she is greeted by the scent of roses. Umm. I love the scent of roses.

Moments later, a few cheerful jingles announce his response. No. It didn’t. I’m moving out of the house, and in with Wendy.

The corners of Valerie’s eyes crinkle and she purses her lips as she waits for the punch line in this bizarre joke of her husband’s. Curtis, as far as jokes go, this one sucks, babe. She doesn’t throw her phone back in her purse this time. Instead, she stands fixed in the aisle, almost rooted to the spot while waiting on his retort. The humor of his joke must be over her head.

#TeaserTues – Vested in Her

I wanted to share a little sneak peak of my current Camp NANO project.

The title is a work in progress. And this is an unedited first draft. Other than that enjoy.

Vested in Her – Chapter One

Haven bounces over the cracked linoleum floor to the beeping oven to retrieve the surprise she had baked for her friends. They were all crowded around a small table in her parents kitchen.

“Haven, that smells like heaven. You’re going to make some guy a great old lady one day.” Chrome said.

Gas smiled and laughed. “We all know that won’t be you Chrome.”

All the guys around the table burst into laughter.

#TeaserTues – Her Unexpected Life Excerpt Edited-4

Round Four Edits

Her Unexpected Life 5-3-16

Her Unexpected Life 3-25-16

Her Unexpected Life – 12-15-15

Chapter One-End of January

Valerie Cooper’s cell phone jingles to life in the middle of the pop aisle at her local Hugemart. Swiping her finger across the screen, she reads the text from her husband. ‘I’m moving out.’

Ha! Auto-correct, the technological version of that telephone game the kids play. Valerie’s thumbs wrestle with the touch screen of her phone to send her reply. ‘I think auto-correct got you. Lol!’ She tosses her phone back in her purse and moves on to the next isle where she is greeted by the scent of roses. I love roses.

Moments later a few cheerful jingles announce his response. ‘No. It didn’t. I’m moving out of the house, and in with Wendy.’

#TeaserTues – Her Unexpected Life Excerpt Edited-3

As I’ve mentioned before I’m doing some edits.

I know some of you have read this before. If you have a minute give it another read in its updated form.

Her Unexpected Life 3-25-16

Her Unexpected Life – 12-15-15

Chapter One-End of January

In the middle of the pop isle at her local Hugemart, Valerie Cooper receives a text from her husband. ‘I’m moving out.’

Ha! Auto-correct, the technological version of that game telephone the girls play. Valerie’s thumbs wrestle with the touch screen of her phone to send her reply. ‘I think auto-correct got you. Lol!’ She tosses her phone back in her purse and moves on to the next isle.

A few cheerful jingles later announces his reply. ‘No, it didn’t. I’m moving out and in with Wendy.’

#TeaserTues – Out of the Blue – One more time

I’m still working on this one.

It is a thorn in my side that I can’t quite reach.  I have delved into reading and listening audiobooks like my life depends on it.  Hoping that I’ll absorb them and be able to get this thorn worked into shape.  I was supposed to start Camp Nano today but my mental struggles with this monster keep me from moving on.

I wonder if I should just abandon it for a few months.  Maybe we both need some air.  I feel like I’m making progress overtime I begin edits on this 45k beast that has grown by 20k since it was ‘finished’.

Maybe I should tackle it as my Camp Nano until new inspiration strikes.  My November NaNo came to me in a dream.  How do your ideas come to you?

Here are the links to previous revisions of the monster.  And the below them you’ll find the latest version of the beginning.  Find my personal links on the side if you want to chat about your writing endeavors.

Out of the Blue February 23

Out of the Blue January 19

Out of the Blue December 8

Out of the Blue December 1

Out of the Blue September 29

Out of the Blue

Prologue

16 years ago.

Callie’s heart beats against her chest, she knows by the end of the day, she might be a widow left to care for four little girls alone in an unfamiliar world. She clings to her husband as the sun sets across the ocean, her instincts telling her his pride has already decided his part in the events about to unfold.

#TeaserTues #Fictionfriday – Her Unexpected Life Excerpt Edited-2

So I’m setting out to update all my social feeds and thought I might want to share the latest draft of Chapter One with some of my favorite folks.

Her Unexpected Life – 12-15-15

Chapter One-End of January

In the middle of the pop isle of the local Hugemart, Valerie Cooper receives a text from her husband, “I’m moving out.”

Valerie is certain that auto correct must be playing games with her and texts back, “What? I think auto correct got you.”

He replies back, “No it didn’t. I’m moving out and in with Wendy.”

#TeaserTues – Out of the Blue Again

So, here we are again.

I’m posting yet another edit of Out of the Blue.  If you’ve been following along I hope you see growth in the excerpt.  I added at bit more to it today for your reading pleasure.  Including the Prologues I haven’t decided if I’m going to keep.  This version is the result of my editor, Genevieve Scholl and a great lady, Renee Stanley, who is a big help to me.

Out of the Blue January 19

Out of the Blue December 8

Out of the Blue December 1

Out of the Blue September 29

Out of the Blue

Prologue

16 years ago.

Callie clings to her husband as the sun sets across the ocean, knowing his pride has already decided the outcome of the events about to unfold. Callie’s heart beats against her chest, she knows by the end of the day, she might be a widow left to care for four little girls alone in an unfamiliar world.

#TeaserTues – Out of the Blue Take-10? (I lost count)

I sought professional help

If you have been following along with my progression on Out of the Blue you know I have edited this thing almost to death.  I recently acquired the services of an editor and I hope with her help to put this book in the done column.  I know lots of authors don’t use their first book; maybe they use it as a learning experience and never publish, maybe they revisit it later or maybe they trash it half way through.  I would like to publish mine; not because I think it’s a great gift to the world but simple to say I published it.

My editor requested that I not attempt to edit my #NaNoWriMo book Her Unexpected Life and send it to her as is.  She wants to see how I write before I try to fix it.  I tried several strategies to edit Out of the Blue but couldn’t get a good rhythm so that’s why I hired an editor.  She has already pointed out several things to change that I thought were okay.  Oh and then there’s grammar my nemesis.  We have a hate/hate relationship with each other.  Commas vex me in my sleep, they say add me here, you know you want to.  I think they instigate characters taking over pov out of turn, too.  Or that could be caused by writing without an outline.  Who’s to say, really?  Oh, look I think I’m rambling.  If you’re still with me, here is a new and improved version of the selection of Out of the Blue I have been sharing with you fine folks.  Plus the previous versions links as well.

Out of the Blue December 8

Out of the Blue December 1

Out of the Blue September 29

Out of the Blue

Chapter One-Friday, November 14, 2014

Callisto slides through the currents as graceful as a ballerina, twirling and gliding around obstacles in her path as she makes her way to an unfamiliar beach. Knots of eagerness have afflicted her through her whole journey, but her anticipation for a better life away from the pod continues to propel her forward.

#TeaserTues – Her Unexpected Life Excerpt-1

Before I become crazy

I wanted to share an excerpt from my NaNo before the New Year hits and I start editing it.  This is unedited and written for NaNo.  So be kind.

Chapter One-End of January

Valerie Cooper drops her daughters off at school and heads to the grocery store alone. This is her youngest first year of being gone every day all-day and even with her decision to spend one more year trying to be a successful writer she often finds herself missing the company her children provided her. They were such a lovely distraction.

#TeaserTues-Out of the Blue Excerpt

I was doing it wrong

Well here I am talking about editing again.  I am very good at telling, still working on showing.

I recently posted about editing chapter 1 & 2 of Out of the Blue and then I posted an excerpt from those revisions.  I received my score cards from a contest and actually got a chance to study them after I drafted my last Teaser Tuesday.  Research followed so here I am yet again after major changes sharing the same excerpt.  What do you think?  Am I getting better at showing?

Out of the Blue

Chapter One-Friday, November 14, 2014

Callisto slips through the currents as graceful as a ballerina, twirling and gliding around obstacles in her path as she makes her way to an unfamiliar beach. Knots of eagerness have afflicted her through her whole journey thus far. Her anticipation for a better life somewhere away from the pod propels her forward.

#TeaserTues – Out of the Blue

Many revisions later

It has been awhile since I shared anything from Out of the Blue.  I want to share the same passage but several revisions later.  I hope you see progress in my writing.

Out of the Blue

Chapter One-Friday, November 14, 2014

Callisto silently slips through the currents, weaving and bobbing around obstacles in her path making her way to an unfamiliar beach. Upon waking that morning, she knew today was the day she was starting her new life, the day she would give up being a mermaid to live as a human. Her mother’s urging sealed her decision and was likely fueled by her father being gone on important pod business. The choice to stay or leave was hers to make ultimately but it would be monumentally easier to leave if her father was not present. She had to make a decision in the short time remaining before her twenty-second birthday. Her stomach has been in knots through her whole journey thus far but not from fear, eagerness was the culprit. Her anticipation level for a better life somewhere away from the pod and its unnerving ways propelled her forward.